


Cupbearers and Constellations

by urusai



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ancient Greek Religion & Lore Fusion, F/M, M/M, Smut, Zeus Sakura/Ganymede Kakashi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:40:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28835736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/urusai/pseuds/urusai
Summary: Greek Mythology AU. Sakura (Zeus) brings Kakashi (Ganymede) home to Mount Olympus to serve as Cupbearer. When Ino (Hera) finds out and flies into a rage, Sakura finds a way to make sure everyone will still see dat ass every day.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Yamanaka Ino, Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 10





	Cupbearers and Constellations

You would wager that the ruler of Mount Olympus is a busy deity, and I am often everything the gods and mankind expect of me as far as my occupation goes. I am a sovereign, more invested in my work than your run-of-the-mill royal dandy, but I do cut loose more than your average overlord. I am a benevolent god, for the most part. The perspective and vast knowledge required in my line of work leads to decisions that, from a more limited, mortal point of view, are vindictive or unfair.

Back then, I had many irons in the fire, wolves at my door, and buns in the oven. Some would say I was and am still a rogue, a rake, a vixen, a temptress, and philanderer. My wife Ino, goddess of marriage and family, still maintains that I’m a scoundrel, depending on what I’ve done for her lately. I was certainly something of a playgod once, though I’ve never been suave. The whole all-powerful immortal bit lends me an air of confidence that makes up for the fact that I am, for lack of a better word, a dork.

The mortal on whom I had set my eyes this time was a beautiful prince of Troy. Kakashi, son of Sakumo, was the most comely and gifted of his race. He was the full equal of adult human warriors at age five and a war hero aged sixteen. So handsome was Kakashi, he took to hiding his face to prevent the distraction his countenance constantly caused among mere mortals.

Such beauty, wasted on the likes of man, offended my godly sensibilities. Sakumo was honored when I first sent the messenger god Katsuya to him with a dowry of dogs, the favored familiars of Troy’s leading clan, in exchange for his son’s service. Sakumo accepted the dowry wholeheartedly, honored that his son would come to live among the immortal.

Quite a few gods came for the throne at Mount Olympus in Kakashi’s youth. The fairest of all men saw his twenty-seventh birthday before my schedule opened for a proper divine abduction. At the time, Kakashi was tending his sheep, an endearing pair of young male warriors, when I was free to come for him.

I watched from my scrying pool atop the Mount as he taught his little pups the value of teamwork and how to spar. All bark and flashing gold and ebony fur, they nipped at each other and his heels like Hatake clan familiars. The scene was a pleasant reminder that Kakashi isn’t just a pretty face— he’s a genius with a mind that is pleasing to the gods. This god, anyway.

Some might find him a touch torpid for their tastes; I prefer to think of him as languorous. His initial instruction given, the pups wrestled and trained below while Kakashi lounged on a tree branch, reading a volume of his favorite Icha Icha. Occasionally, he called out a suggestion or warning to one pup or the other over top of his book.

Salacious though the material may be, I find his public porn habit endearing. I’ve been known to have my affairs, but you won’t catch me walking around reading such things in broad daylight, let alone admitting to consuming the stuff out loud. The audacity to read smut in the open— though he would never admit that Icha Icha is anything but romance— has an energy that can’t be solely derived from his well-formed face. Ask him to read aloud, and he turns into a bigger dork than me. Human cognitive dissonance surrounding sex and shame is positively adorable.

A wolf, I decided, with fur akin to Kakashi’s own shock of silver hair, would be the perfect form in which to fetch him. Though his father may have told him of the eventual eternal servitude for which I had paid his doggy dowry price all those years before, there was fun in wearing a disguise for the kidnap— no— man-napping.

This kind of pointless subterfuge always makes for a priceless, big reveal. You should see the looks on their sweet, tiny faces as their precious brains process that they’ve been in the presence of divinity _this whole time_!

My plan in place, I wandered to the greenhouse to ensure my bride was otherwise occupied. It wouldn’t do to bring a new plaything back to Mount Olympus only to find myself unable to play. Off the record, my mortal affairs are the reason I sanctioned the greenhouse in the first place. On the record, I am hopelessly devoted to my wife and her blossoming, aromatic talents.

In addition to her usual work arranging marriages and advising couples on the precise moment at which to do the deed to maximize the odds of conception, Ino spends her time growing and arranging flowers. My wife is a racketeer, you see. She orchestrates events leading to bridal and baby showers, wedding ceremonies and baptisms, and then her grateful clients feel obligated to order her flowers for their parties. I do love a good hustle, and, other gods forgive me, I do love Ino in my way.

I found her inside the greenhouse applying water to delicate-looking succulents and orchids with a pipette, one drop at a time. Her sleek, long hair was drawn into a ponytail at the nape of her neck, its length slung over one shoulder. I floated silently to the other to place a soft kiss there, earning a startled cry and mock slap on the cheek.

“Must you always sneak up on me like that?” she huffed, but she was smiling.

I still have the habit of never answering any questions she asks, if I can get away with it. It is remarkable how trusting Ino remained in those days despite previous instances of my infidelity. Nowadays Ino tends to get jealous when I begin to show any interest in a human, though she knows my fervor burns out faster than the mortal coils that enchant me so.

At the time, Ino knew I had paid Sakumo Kakashi’s dowry, and she hadn’t protested. The lag time between that payment and my collection of the asset may have had something to do with this particular instance of her calm.

“I see you’re enjoying your greenhouse. Wouldn’t it take less time to water these things with a spray bottle?” I pivoted quickly.

"They're simply too fragile, love," she said softly. "These things take time. I have the rest of these rows to finish, then it's off to find help for trimming the roses. That marriage uniting Athens and Sparta is this weekend, and there is much to do."

"I'll leave you to it, then," I replied, suppressing a devilish grin and planting a kiss at her temple.

I disappeared with a flourish, willing myself to reappear among the Trojan trees in wolf form. I made my way through the brush silently, stopping just under his tree, where I purposefully stepped a paw on the driest twig nearby. Kakashi's head shot up and his eyes locked on me immediately. His concerned, alert expression softened when he laid eyes on all my lupine glory.

He tucked the book into his vest and made his way down to greet me. Before moving toward me, he spared his pups a quick glance. Seeing them still occupied, Kakashi took a step forward, a cautious look on his face.

I couldn't resist giving him a saucy wink. His surprise was a delight to behold. I practically pranced as I circled him, wolf toes tippy-tapping among the leaves. Circling him served as much to lay my eyes on humankind's most renowned set of gluteal muscles as to further taunt him. He looked side to side as I circled him, eventually spinning around and taking a knee to bring his eye level down to mine.

"Where'd you come from, pup? Where's your pack?" he asked, his voice calm and gentle.

Kakashi extended a hand for me to sniff. I used all my considerable will to do so instead of nuzzling into his palm right away. Two short inhales later, I realized with intense joy that the customary scent greeting exchanged among wolves is concentrated on the greetee's crotch.

I took my nose directly to his, poking around more than was strictly necessary to see what I could glean from the outside of his baggy trousers. I knew nature had bestowed him with an impressive package, yet another bodily blessing to match his facial and gluteal gifts, but experiencing it up close was almost thrilling.

My wolf paws tippy-tapped the forest floor again as I thought about the experiences to come. I may be all-powerful and capable of endowing him however I wished, but there is an attitude about a naturally occurring, well-hung man that can't be genuinely replicated, even with the powers of a god. That well-hung confidence is intensely pleasing to find among my playthings, as is such a perfect ass.

Wolf greeting extended, I wasted no time in rubbing my head against his hip and presenting my rear end to him, earning myself well-deserved head-pets and ear-scritches.

"You're rather familiar for a new friend," Kakashi remarked.

I looked up to hold his gaze for several beats, batting lashes at him as he scratched behind my ear. I was going for uncanny, trying to elicit that same surprise he had shown me when I had winked at him. Now that he was immune to my human-like expressions, toying with him in this form was immediately stale and boring. That was my cue.

I circled him again, once around to keep his attention on me, then willing us back to my chambers and myself into the form of a human woman on the second spin.

Kakashi’s reaction to his abduction was admittedly less entertaining than I had hoped. His face, what parts I could see beyond the mask, betrayed nothing. He crossed his arms, fixed me with a stare, and waited for me to speak.

“You have been pledged to me since you were but a boy, Kakashi. You already know who I am, of course,” I told him, then lifted my chin to signal to the chair behind him. “Sit.”

“Do I have to follow your every order now, or was that your way of extending an invitation to make myself comfortable?” he cocked his exposed eyebrow at me as he sat and slouched back in the chair.

The look nearly enticed me to rip the mask from his face and take him right there, but I kept ahold of myself.

“A little of both, I suppose,” I admitted, grinning a cheshire grin. “When your father accepted my dowry, you became mine, destined for a turn as my plaything. Your official title? Cupbearer of Mount Olympus. We have to keep up appearances, you see.”

“I’ve heard Ino isn’t a fan of your... playthings,” Kakashi said, sounding bored himself.

“What Ino doesn’t know doesn’t hurt her,” I said, smiling, then frowning as he reached a hand into his vest to lay upon his Icha Icha.

“You’re in the presence of a god who has procured you for the purpose of bringing to life the kinds of scenes you read about in your porn, but your hand is on your book. I’m almost offended,” I remarked, moving closer to inspect him.

Kakashi made no sound to defend himself, nor did he move his hand from where it rested on the familiar volume. Not easily cowed, I supposed.

“Is this form pleasing to you? How I look to you now?” I asked, toying with him. I dragged the tips of my fingers over the wrist of his hand on the book, up his arm, across his shoulders, and up to the edge of his mask.

Kakashi nodded tersely in the affirmative. He cleared his voice before he spoke, “What am I to call you?”

“Hn,” I paused, trying to think up some kind of pet name I would like to hear from his lips, but nothing came to mind. “What do the Trojans call me?”

“God, Sakura. What everyone calls you,” he said flatly, ignoring my hand at his mask and drawing the book from his pocket and opening it.

The little mortal shit. I pulled the mask down and snapped my fingers. The book disappeared.

Kakashi folded his arms across his chest, taking my theft of his Icha Icha in stride.

“Is this face pleasing to you?” he asked, his tone mocking.

“I think they call that sacrilege, where you’re from,” I countered. “Of course your face is pleasing to me. You wouldn’t be here otherwise.”

His chin was between my thumb and forefinger. I turned his head right and left, pausing to look at his left side and the mark just below the corner of his lip. I wanted to lick it, but doing so seemed inappropriate. No need to jump straight ahead into the naughty stuff.

“Truly, Kakashi, is this form pleasing to you? I can be anything you want me to be,” I asked again, hoping he’d tell me without my prying into his deepest desires. I shifted out of the human woman form and appeared to him as my natural essence, my pure godself.

I grew to roughly twice the physical size, a third eye appearing in the center of my forehead. My hair lengthened and began to float up toward the ceiling, as did I. The human legs I’d worn to welcome him to Mount Olympus faded to aura as I floated before him. The aura expanded to fill my chamber, moving right through Kakashi and everything else in my private room until I stopped it, pulling back when my energy and consciousness began to seep outside the unassailable space.

Kakashi said nothing, but I could read his thoughts. _Woah_ , was all he had to offer. I rolled my eyes, all three of them, before closing them and reaching into his mind to identify his deepest desire.

“Can it be?” I asked with a laugh, not quite believing what I was seeing there.

He looked confused, that same visible eyebrow raised. I drew the hitai ate upward off of his brow and brushed his hair out of his eyes.

“Disrobe, please,” I asked first, hoping he would comply without me pushing further into his consciousness. It’s always more fun when your playthings play along.

Kakashi did as instructed, and I grinned as he removed his shirt, vest, pants, and sandals. Finished, he stood before me in all his human glory. He was not quite as self assured as the Kakashi who first lounged before me, but he postured himself with an element of cockiness nevertheless. His hands were on his hips. He did not remove his gloves, and I didn’t press the issue. I decided in short order I would prefer he keep them on. It was his deepest innermost fantasy about which I was most concerned.

“Are you…” I had to pause because I couldn’t suppress another chuckle without slowing my heartbeat and breath. I inhaled deeply for composure before trying again, “Are you your deepest desire?”

I knew the answer to the question, and I closed my eyes as I shifted into a Kakashi copy. His eyes lit up when he recognized what I had done. He recognized the rhetorical nature of my question and made no effort to answer himself.

“How do _you_ want _you_ , then?” I asked, walking past him toward my bed.

I stopped at the edge of the bed, still standing, wearing his gloves and his flesh, too. I smiled and asked, “Me on top? Or you?”

Kakashi’s eyes were glued to mine (or his) as he moved toward me, just slightly. The shift in his body lingered on the edge of human perception, but fell well within mine.

“Come on then,” I called, laying back on the bed and taking my new, hardening cock in my gloved palm. “Don’t you want to taste you?”

Kakashi bared his sharp teeth at me in what looked like more of a grimace than a smile. I didn’t have to compel him to walk toward me, the copy of himself.

Kakashi dropped to his knees before me in his form, fully exposed (but for the gloves) and erect, laid back on the edge of the bed. He took my length into his mouth and one gloved hand to its base as he worked me with his tongue and throat. I couldn’t help but pry into his earthly memories to find out whether he’d done this before, and I wasn’t disappointed with what I found.

Amid a gallery of countless women, Kakashi had a smattering of special gentlemen he’d serviced, all military colleagues and impressive warriors in their own right. I was pleased to find that Kakashi had taken the more subservient role in each of the encounters in his memory. His delight in worshipping the male form was infinitely pleasing both in those memories and the present moment.

The sounds he made were exquisite as he choked on my replica of his own cock, but they weren’t quite genuine. Though he was skilled, his enthusiasm might be described as lacking when it came to this particular sexual favor. I took his sheer number of memories with women as a hint for where we ought to go next.

As he gagged on his own length, I shifted back into the first form in which I’d appeared to him: a human woman with a lean physique, slim hips, full rear, slim waist, small bust, and shoulder-length pink hair. Finding himself gaping around air, he pulled away, a look resembling disappointment on his face.

The human woman form I chose was clothed the same as he, naked but for the gloves. I grabbed him by the hand and used a bit of god-strength to throw him to his back onto the pillows at the top of the bed. I probably knocked the wind out of him, judging by the open-mouthed face he made at me.

His open mouth stayed that way as my soft, feminine lips fell over his hardness, fully erect now after servicing me as a copy of himself.

Kakashi exhaled forcefully and cursed as his gloved fingers twined into my new hair. I resisted the pressure he exerted on the back of my head to take him in nice and slow. I dipped my lips down toward a gloved fist at his base, then added the other hand when I found his length uncomfortable in this smaller, feminine mouth.

My head bobbed in time with the twisting of my fists, coaxing his hips to begin to buck against my new face. He started to make guttural noises and fist my hair a bit tighter. Now, I thought, now’s the time to pull back and watch him squirm.

Squirm he did.

“Do you want more, Kakashi?” I asked, all but purring as I took in his sinful face. His back arched to lift his hips closer to my lips.

A growl was his only reply. His fists, now free of my hair, twisted the bed sheets between his fingers, clenching and unclenching. The small twitches of his hips upward called for mine.

I crawled up his legs to straddle his hips, one slender knee astride each side of his angular pelvic bone.

His hands gravitated to my new waist, and he drew me down atop his length. His hands guided my hips to grind my slick core against him as I reached for his chin and shoulder. I grazed a thumb across the mark on the left side of his chin and considered licking it again, but I held back to keep my eyes on the frustration knitting his brow

My attention shifted to the slick feeling between my thighs, and my eyes closed to focus. I used the grip on his shoulder and face to steady myself as I let him roll my hips into him. I bore down more forcefully so that he might slip inside with each thrust of my hips. A few passes over him coated him in my lubricant. When he found no entrance, Kakashi growled low again and reached for his length.

I forced him to freeze— god powers are useful for such moments— but I left his lungs, lips, tongue, and vocal cords free to express his annoyance.

“You’d enjoy it more if you just let me inside,” he managed through grit teeth.

“Is that what you think?” I asked, lowering my mouth to lick the spot at his chin and trace a slick line across his lower lip.

Kakashi caught my lips with his, kissing fiercely and biting gently.

“I do,” he said, catching his breath when I pulled back to watch him flush with desire. “I’d enjoy it more too.”

I drew my hand from his chin and snapped my fingers, dispelling my hold on his physical form. “Go on then,” I encouraged.

Kakashi tested his hands and hips. Finding control of his limbs restored, he moved swiftly to flip me to his place on the pillows and position himself above me. He spread my legs wide and reached again to align his length with the wetness between my legs. He paused then to trace me with the tip of his length, teasing to provoke a reaction.

I held back a moan and suppressed a shiver. The human form I had assumed threatened to give him exactly what he was after immediately. I wanted to make him work for it.

Kakashi pressed forward just slightly to enclose his perfect head inside my glistening folds and stopped as he took a thumb to the bundle of nerves just above his cock to trace soft patterns. With the other hand, he held my hip and leg just so I couldn’t find much purchase with my involuntary thrusts.

The feeling was exquisite, divine really. I ached for him to fill my center completely and wriggled against him, unable to achieve much more without using powers beyond the mortal form I wore. I debated whether to draw him into me with divine inspiration, but decided against compelling him to move in favor of giving him his small victory.

I gave him another shallow roll of my hips and a long, low moan.

“Please, more,” I begged, letting my soft lips hang open. I licked them, hoping to make the defined cupid’s bow under this form’s button nose glisten in the low light of my chamber.

Kakashi did not move to satisfy me immediately, taking in my face with a wicked grin and giving me small thrusts that did not begin to fill me or to satisfy my want. He kept pressing at the knot of sensitive tissue just over my opening, soft and harder, building tension.

I was sorely mistaken if I thought giving him more noise would spur him to action. Soft, desperate sounds left my lips, but he kept a relative composure, looking down at me with his canines flashing. Desperate times called for desperate measures, and I took my unoccupied hands to the nipples atop the soft tissue at my chest.

I arched into my own hands as I pinched and writhed. I called his name, first hoarse, then loud and wild. Feeling no change between my thighs, I changed tactics. I asked for exactly what I wanted.

“Please fuck me, Kakashi. Hard. Deep,” I breathed, moving faster against his leading few inches and my fingers at my chest. I gave him a frustrated gasp and cry for good measure, thinking I’d take control of him like a flesh-and-blood vibrator if he still refused to give me what I craved.

And then he moved.

His first thrust buried him to the hilt. Kakashi shifted left and right as he held himself deep inside. He was feeling the ridges inside my human form, searching for the angle that hit just right. I cried out when he found it and took fistfuls of sheets into my hands.

“There, Kakashi, like that. Fuck, yes. Fuck me just like that,” I pleaded, twisting under him.

Kakashi did fuck me, properly. Quickly and deep. He filled this form so well, I thought it might break. My body felt stretched to its limit, an experience I hadn’t had in perhaps a millennia. I was hot and wrecked as he hit the spot that made this body sing over and over again.

Kakashi tore into me, thrust after thrust, long and thick. I let him give me all he had, and when his vigor flagged, I infused him with my own energy so that his mortal form might continue until I got my fill. He maintained his strokes as I lifted one leg up and over to turn to my side. The shift in position invited him to sidle up behind me.

His hand at my clit remained there, whether for my gratification or his own hold on my physical body. My eyes rolled back, and my hips pressed desperately back into him as he slammed into me over and over. I was on the edge of orgasm when I heard him admit that he was too.

“I’m going to come, Sakura,” he breathed low into my ear.

I could feel his lips move against my earlobe. His tongue reached out to taste, his breath smoothed over the wet spots his tongue left behind. I was close too, and I knew that if he came, the sensation in the womb of my borrowed body would send me over the edge.

“Come,” I invited him, turning my head over my shoulder to capture his lips with mine. “Come inside me.”

I took a hand over his still pressing into my clit and undulated my hips a bit faster, keeping time with his rhythmic thrusts from behind. I kissed harder than I intended, plundering his mouth with my tongue and letting him explore mine. I couldn’t stop the thoughts of his mouth on the clit of this body and watching his perfect ass over his shoulder as he ate me out. I rolled against him more desperately, hoping he would just come so that we could bring that thought to life.

Kakashi increased his speed in response to my want, then slowed for two final, finishing strokes.I felt him tense and convulse inside me. He spilled inside hot and fast, and the inner walls of my female form clamped around him. The heat of him filling me created a pressure that pushed me to an orgasm of my own.

When his senses returned to him, he pulled out gently and rolled to lie at my side. I let him breathe a moment before snapping my fingers, restoring his strength again.

“You’ll give me head in this form now, Kakashi,” I commanded.

Kakashi sighed, and I watched confusion and recognition flash across his features in succession. The thought to protest came first, because any normal human would be spent after the romp we just finished. Realization that his breathing was even and his strength undiminished followed. The connection between the snap of my fingers and his restoration came next. Finally, he grinned, shook his head, and sat up off the pillows.

“So this is what life is like now,” he mused, sidling up between my legs. “I sleep with the gods and never tire?”

“If I wish it. Now eat,” I ordered, reaching up to grab a handful of silver hair and push his head down between my thighs. I immediately looked over his shoulder for those gluteal muscles, now coated in a thin layer of sweat shining like dew on a fresh peach. The great poets could write epics about this ass.

Kakashi went to work with his tongue, drawing patterns enthusiastically, but pressing a bit too hard for my liking in this body. I pondered taking the time to teach him what I craved in this form, then thought of the time and Ino.

“You’ll forgive me for what I’m about to do. I’m afraid we don’t have much time remaining together today, and this method will be much faster. Pay attention; this is what this body likes,” I said, and took control of his mouth and fingers.

Gentle suction at the clit. Fingers inserted, palm up, gesturing in a come-hither motion. A good twenty seconds of that, and I came again, with seemingly more force than the first orgasm.

“All done. You’ll get dressed now and join Sarada in the hall. She’ll get you fitted in something more appropriate for the throne room and teach you all you need to know about your new gig as cupbearer,” I explained as I released my human form.

“And you will?” Kakashi asked, as if my business were his at all.

“Sweet, gentle mortal,” I smiled at him and cradled his cheek. “I’ll be thinking about that ass,” I said, glancing behind him. I gave his cheek two gentle pats and turned on my heel, headed out to the greenhouse without another word.

Ino was still hard at work with her orchids, succulents, and pipettes. Danzō now joined her, relieved of his duties guarding our cattle. Danzō cut the roses Ino spoke of earlier with long stems, prepping them for use in the upcoming wedding. The minor god had always creeped me the fuck out, what with the eyes all over his body always looking around at everything. Useful for keeping watch, but extremely risky while trimming roses, if you ask me.

“Still at work, darling?” I asked.

Ino looked up at my voice, and something flashed across her face that, at the time, I didn’t recognize. I know the look well now. It’s the look she makes when her intuition tells her I’m up to no good. Her left eyebrow arches, one corner of her lips turns up, and the rest of her mouth presses together in a thin line. Nothing changes in her eyes.

“Two visits in one day,” Ino mused. “Either I’m in for a surprise, or you’re feeling guilty. Or both.”

I was taken aback and hoped my expression revealed little. A surprise, of course. She’d need a surprise.

“I wanted to make sure you were still here for me to deliver that surprise to you,” I lied.

Ino rolled her eyes, and I slipped away, grabbing one of the pipettes from her tray to have it encrusted with jewels. My visit to Deidara, jeweler to the gods, was only a little painful. I can’t remember at this point what I promised him in return for the favor of bejeweling Ino’s trinket for me.

Ino was still in the greenhouse when I returned. I conjured a gift bag and ribbon and presented it to her with the jeweled pipette inside, a smile plastered on my face. Ino accepted the gift and made a show of being pleased as she kissed my cheek. Assuming she remained unsuspecting, I took my leave quickly and shuffled off to the throne room. What a relief to get away from Danzō and all those eyes.

Now I know Ino’s act was all for show. She’s never truly satisfied with any gift. She’s eternally suspicious of kindness. I was a fool then, but I would learn my lesson.

As I settled into my throne, Sarada handed over my usual goblet and instructed Kakashi on the proper method of pouring wine to avoid unwanted drips. Being a cupbearer is dangerous work when your liege wears white and drinks red. To be fair, the job is genuinely dangerous among mortals who use cupbearers to test the drink of worldly leaders for poison. There is no death to fear for the Cupbearer of Mount Olympus, but there have been times my wine has been laced with a curse. Whether Sarada imparted this knowledge upon Kakashi or not, I was too distracted to ask.

As Kakashi took care in filling my cup, I leaned over to inspect his consummate, succulent rear end, thinly veiled by the cupbearer toga. The white fabric clung to every dimple and cleft. I was jealous of the bit of fabric wedged between his proud cheeks.

Kakashi’s ass is the Platonic ideal of asses, almost clinical in its textbook- and dictionary-entry-worthy perfection. And yet, despite its faultless form, you want to bite into it. His ass is so perfect, you want to slap it just to watch it bounce back and still as its owner flexes the muscle underneath. Kakashi’s ass is the holy grail of asses— a single touch might kill a mere mortal. It makes lesser beings lose track of time locked in its thrall.

Frankly, it’s an ass that can make a god weak in the knees.

My lingering gaze and the stream of lewd thoughts streaming behind my eyes were precisely the proof Ino needed to make her case against me. She must have followed me from the greenhouse at a short distance to have arrived so soon. She flew into a rage, her anger manifesting in visible flames within her eyes. She wouldn’t be made a fool of, she assured me. How dare I parade this mortal around Mount Olympus just to mock her! I let her rumble on and gave Kakashi a sympathetic look.

I couldn’t bear to part with him. I had hardly experienced his perfect ass, and after all I had paid for it, I wanted the world to enjoy it too. But what Ino wants, Ino gets. When she finally finished shouting, I drew Kakashi into my arms and slung him over my shoulder without a word to my wife. On my way out of the throne room, I gave his behind a firm smack so Ino could see it shake. If I had to send him away, I was going to make sure Ino and everyone else would be reminded of this perfect, juicy peach each day.

I hung Kakashi up as stars in the night sky: the constellation Aquarius.

Mortals often render images of the cupbearer over the stars, and I have to register a complaint. When humans draw him, they often depict the sharp angle atop the constellation as the pitcher from which his wine flows as he lays back. Strike that mental image of the cupbearer reclining. Reverse it.

The two lines on the eastern end of the constellation are Kakashi’s legs. That sharp angle is not the pitcher, which he left behind in the throne room. That sharp angle is the flawless ass of one Hatake Kakashi, Prince of Troy and Cupbearer of Mount Olympus, bent over and hiked up for your viewing pleasure.

It is the ass so perfect, it taught this god of all gods a valuable lesson.

Since then, I have chosen to hide my playthings straight away instead of risking Ino’s wrath. With practice, I have found creative places to hide them in plain sight. I’ve hidden one as a flowering plant inside Ino’s greenhouse. I’ve even made one into a cow and left her under Danzō’s watchful eyes with the herd.

Still, every so often, when Ino is away, I draw Kakashi down from the sky, drape a fog over the earth so that the mortals might not notice Aquarius’ absence, and take him into my chambers to sink my teeth into that perfect ass.


End file.
